I think about you often. Are you damage, or pain, or are you just the negative space I’ve created in my head? I cradle myself between velvet sheets when I need your comfort, your warmth. You’re my haven when chaos between my family arises. So why must I resent you so carelessly?
For the most part, I find I’m vulnerable with you, four walls. I run to you when I need a dividend between the people that care, and the catastrophe played out in my head. But could you blame me? You hold an infinity of cherished memorabilia, books, and untold stories. You’re beautiful in meaning just as you are in appearance.
However, lately, I can’t stand to be within you. Is it because of this quarantine? Is it because I know if I leave you, four walls, I’ll be eager to step out that front door? I am eager. Eager to embrace, caress, and engrave me in a peaceful conversation that flows like air.
I miss you, friends, and family, and friends that feel like family. I miss the indistinct chatter amongst the halls of an institution that took up eight hours of my day. I miss Student Council meetings, UIL practice and competitions, TAFE talks, and the occasional Leo’s Club set-ups. I miss Ms.Valle, and her persistent talks about mentoring and helping me improve my painting skill.
I guess the more I think about what makes me happy, the more distant I become. Is this your fate, four walls? Is this what you’re destined to become? Because I can’t hold back this feeling. Why are you becoming so foreign to me? Please help me explain.