Overwhelmed

I keep looking at the screen, and nothing comes to mind on what to type. The days pass so fast for me, and they always look the same, I don’t even know what today is. Every day is the same routine, nothing changes, not even my procrastination. My sleeping schedule is all over the place, which leads me to miss out on the video conferences I have with my teachers. Sometimes I sleep early, sometimes exceptionally late. I can’t keep up with my body sometimes; I feel drained to the core. I’ve run out of options to keep me busy or entertained. I eat like a pig all the time; I don’t know since when I’ve eaten due to boredom, but that’s all I do now. I’ve implemented this into my routine sometimes, where if there’s nothing to do, I sleep to forward or pass by the day. It’s been crazy for me; these whole online classes are just not for me. Almost everything is due the same day, and I’m rushing to do everything on time, which I do. 

All this time, I’ve had to myself has made me reminisce about a lot of my mistakes from the past. I overthink too much now, and it honestly scares me. It’s crazy how our thoughts are more powerful than we think. I’ve been feeling sad as of late, I’m assuming of how I feel trapped in these four walls. We can’t go out, and boredom has eaten me alive. But today, I decided to get out some mandala coloring books I had. In this way, it would keep me busy and away from my thoughts. I googled about mandalas in which they are actually good for seeking peace and balance in our life. That will keep me going till this coronavirus is over. 

Anyways, I’ve been online shopping crazy for unnecessary things I want. I started with clothes, then room decor and makeup, cases for my phone, and it just keeps going like that. Sometimes I want to hit myself for being this way while there is a crisis going on out there. I took a break this week from online shopping, but I already know what my next item to purchase is. It’s tough to hold myself back since it’s not like I can go to the store and buy it there. Most stores I buy from are closed, so it leaves me with no option. I’ve become an online shopping addict, but it’ll be over once this coronavirus is dead. 

Besides that, it’s beautiful how during these times, it brings our family together. My sister’s university had to close down due to the number of coronavirus cases there was in San Antonio, so she had to move back. My brother decided to move back in since he had been gone for five months, and he wanted to spend time with us throughout this crisis. I’m so happy and blessed that they are here with us when we most need them. It warms and completes my heart that we’re all together again. 

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