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Q: Are You Hungry Or Just Bored?
Not much has changed since my last blog; I’m still in the same routine. I think I can even admit that my routine/habits have gotten worse. I go to sleep at 7:00 in the morning and wake up around 4:00 in the afternoon. This has changed my work ethic tremendously. As I wake up, I don’t truly get up, I lay in bed watching HULU, my streaming service of choice after watching everything, including Tiger King on Netflix. Man, I binge watch that documentary all in one night; after that first episode, I was hooked. I stay up binging a whole show, so when I wake up my mind is on that show asking myself: what happens next? I wake up and do the exact same thing again, and put my homework to the side for it to be done right before 11:59 PM or turn it in late. If my sleeping schedule doesn’t get fixed anytime soon, I’m just going to become worse at turning in my assignments. The reality is when I wake up, I only see the sun for 4 hours, so for me, when I see the sun go down, that has always been an indication for me to go to sleep, and because I’m not sleepy obviously. Instead, I lay in bed and watch more television.
What I do to kill time.
When I’m not feeling down or stressing over a deadline that I could have potentially procrastinated in, I like to keep myself busy. Of course watching re-runs of Parks and Rec. is always an option, but after a few episodes, it just makes me feel bored and guilty. I find it better to use my time doing things that somehow benefit me. Without a doubt, this is what I do to suffice this encroaching boredom.
I would stay off this certain topic.
If it weren’t for this journal assignment, I would stay off this certain topic. I prefer to ignore it because facing it would mean mourning over dead memories yet to be revived.
It instantly weakens my ability to stay strong and focus throughout the day. It makes me wonder why I didn’t hug certain people a little longer, or glance at them while I walked towards my bus, Friday, March 13th, 2020.
It makes me regret not being able to say, “Good morning, students and staff…” through the intercom that week.
Shockers
This week was good, but tiring. Everyone at work decided that they’re too scared to go. So I’m basically one of the only ones showing up; therefore, I’m working almost every single day. I might be naive, or I might be brave, but in reality, who cares?
People seem to be getting more worried while I seem to be careless in all sincerity. I’m not sure if it’s because I’ve been working every single day and being exposed all day long just kind of takes the terror out of it. Anyways, things at work have changed a lot!
As I said, not many are going to work anymore, plus there can only be one client inside the building at a time, and we also have to wear face masks now? That part sucks the most. You literally feel like you’re suffocating all day long. Yesterday one of the clients was a police officer, and he was really kind, and he just kind of made me feel like it was worth still going to work.
Avoiding it emotionally is an option, right?
If it weren’t for this journal assignment, I would stay off this certain topic. I prefer to ignore it because facing it would mean mourning over dead memories yet to be revived. It instantly weakens my ability to stay healthy and focus throughout the day. It makes me wonder why I didn’t hug certain people a little longer, or glance at them while I walked towards my bus, Friday, March 13th, 2020. It makes me regret not being able to say, “Good morning, students and staff…” through the intercom that week. It awakens my fear to wake up one day with my throat feeling sore because maybe it could be that I fell asleep with my mouth open, or that I have it. I have it. I have something that could potentially kill me. Death. Then off to a cyber-funeral. I drink water until the feeling goes away. I’d say it’s’s pathetic that we fear it, but what else could we compare it to, to lose those scary thoughts? It’s been a pandemic. It avoids no type of human, no race, no gender, no ethnicity. I guess on the positive note; it’s the only thing fair in this world. I wouldn’t say I fear for my life because although it is a horrible thing, I like to think, “Nothing ever happens to me.” Until it happens, right? You can consider that ignorance; I consider it sanity. Sometimes. Although everything’s online, I can’t help but refrain from completing my assignments until they’re due. I feel no motivation to do any of it because when I do, it’s’s real. Everything is. The lockdowns, the curfews, the worries, and the precautions we’re forced to take. It’s’s accepting, and I don’t want to. Yet here I am, yeah. I wish it could all just pause, so I could run to those people I owed hugs to. Hug them for every day that has passed. Sit on swing sets while we talk about how the world is changing so quickly. Talk about our plan Bs for possible future outbreaks. Talk about an apocalypse kit where I try to stash ice cream sandwiches, only to find none the next day. Talk about expiration dates on water bottles, canned foods, phone batteries, energy bars, gummies, medication, and our endurance.
Normal
This week was terrible. Last week I was able to go out, and it still didn’t feel entirely on lockdown, but this week, that changed. My mother no longer lets me go out ANYWHERE. However, today I’m going back to work! I’m very excited but scared. I’m happy to get out of the house already and do something different. However, it does frighten me–having some physical contact with so many people. Anyways, school is so much easier. It seems like teachers are patient and understandable. I no longer feel the stress I felt before. So, seeing things better, I think this week was a lot better. I guess I was right things do get better.
I’m doing a lot better in my classes now that they’re online. Again, I believe it’s because my teachers are going easier on us; however, that doesn’t bother me. It’s actually fun to see what you discover about yourself and even the people around you after you spend so much time together. During this time of need is when you also realize who’s actually by your side. Not trying to be all dramatic and sentimental, but how many people have looked out for you and asked how you’re doing? At the end of the day, this is a fun experience, right? Too soon to joke?
Are we there yet!?
Third week of quarantine my family and I are slowly adapting to each other. This week has gone so slow to the point where I thought it was friday on a monday. I have done so many different activities that I had never done before.
Going Through Memory Lane
Hidden deep in a dark wooden drawer, there’s a slightly ripped cardboard shoebox. Now, this box may not look like much; with the Vans logo stamped multiple times all over its sides; its rugged, jagged edges; or the penny-sized hole punched on the lower-left corner. On the outside, it looks as if it has a ticket to ride. That is, a ticket to ride the greasy garbage truck.
Overwhelming Situation
These past weeks have been overwhelming. I’ve had a lot of different mixed emotions going into this quarantine situation. I feel bored, tired, scared, and stressed, but at the same time relaxed. Being stuck at home has given me more free time. The thing about being held at home is that everyone’s situation is different.